Sex in the Time of Coronavirus
Sex in the Time of Coronavirus
by (nsfmg) Community
The (nsfmg) Roundup: All the DMs we posted on Instagram Stories, collected in one place.
From Our Instagram Stories dated April 16, 2020. We threw this question out to the whole group, preceding a virtual chat we had with special guest, sex and relationship expert Dana Myers. (You can read about that meet up and watch the whole video here.)
Below, is the full thread from the conversation that preceded it.
"Hey Mom Group:
Is anybody *doing it* now? Asking for a couple of friends." — Alexis + Julian (Team Mom Group)
Dear Mom Group:
“I feel really guilty about how low my libido is. At the end of the day, I’m completely exhausted and I feel like I have nothing to give. I just want to take a bath or zone out and watch tv. I know we should be having more sex to feel more connected but it’s so hard when you’re working, taking care of a toddler, keeping the house in order, and stuck in the same routine day after day. And I had my IUD removed before this so we could try for #2 but we will be tabling that for a while — so condom sex makes it even less appealing.” — T.
“A 4 month old and I’m an ICU nurse on an all-Covid unit.... sex is the LAST thing on my mind.” — E.
“Ughhh! I have a 2.5 year old and am 5 months pregnant and got a fucking UTI. So painful and so so upsetting to (1) need to take rx meds while pregnant and (2) risk my husband going to the pharmacy to pick up the medicine (because what I had at home wasn’t pregnancy-safe according to my obgyn). I’ve since told him I’m closed for business for a while. No sexytime here.” — L.
“Maybe it’s all the stress, but my sex drive hasn’t been this high since before I got pregnant.” — C.
“Quarantine with a toddler + almost 3rd trimester of pregnancy. I’ve kind of resigned myself to no sex for the next six months.” — Z.
“Hahaha! Yes and no! FaceTime sex is awesome!” — H.
“We may be the odd ones out, but we’re having more sex than ever. Not much to do around here after work and parenting except each other! We’ve got 4 kids and are both working and it’s exhausting but we find our connection and resetting in each other. Our relationship is stronger than ever through this weird time which feels not the norm, but we’re really happy relationship wise.” — H.
“Does anyone ever just wanna say this to their spouse, “Hey, maybe we would have sex more if you offered to get up with the baby in the morning or watch them so I could shower without me having to ask?” My [significant other] is a great parent and provider but I just wish I didn’t have to ask every time and it seems like a chore to them. And we probably would have sex more, because I’d be rested and clean and not feel like a dirty sock. Anyways, rant over lol.” — K.
“One of my friends told her husband that if he still had the energy for sex, it probably meant he didn’t do his fair share of child care or housework that day.” — J.
“I feel as if my partner really wanted sex more he’d make sure I got sleep every once in a while by waking up with the kids or giving me a nap that didn’t involve a napping baby.” — A.
“I told my husband, “When everything else is done... I’ll do you.” He gets a lot of things done for me some days. And I need sleep to want sex. When I was a new mom, it wasn’t just 1 good night’s sleep, I needed 10-60 consecutive nights of good sleep before I had enough energy for sex!” — K.
“What are your kids doing!?” — A.
“Early bedtimes for my kids! All 4 asleep by 8pm.” — H.
“Also let this mama know she’s not alone. It took 9 months, two OBs, a PT, a lot of self advocating to finally get better.” — A.
“NAPPING. And playing plenty of Nintendo.” — V.
“I had the EXACT same question. Where are the kids ?! How do I make this work?!” — A.
“We’re the same. We have two kids under 4 and a 4 month old baby and ‘doing it’ a few times a week at least (after the kids are asleep). It started as a favor from my husband (sex helps me de-stress) and now he’s enjoying the break too. Helps remind us both we’re in this together.” — J.
“My husband is an alcoholic and is struggling to get help. He struggles with depression and anxiety and I know sex would be a confidence booster for him. But the disease has also made him cruel and unreliable, so my trust is broken. He’s asked for sex a few times recently and I just can’t bring myself to give that to him. He doesn’t understand. I also daydream a lot about leaving with the baby or having the house to myself. It’s really hard.” — G.
“I’m more prone to yeast infections pregnant and pretty much any time we have sex it throws my pH off and I get one. So the probable chance of getting a yeast infection, being 8 months pregnant and working from home with a two year old during quarantine, but sorry to say he’s on his own.” — L.
“I'm in the exact same situation! I get UTIs frequently when we have sex. We haven't been intimate since we got pregnant. UTIs are the worst! I'll avoid them as much as I can, thanks lol.” — S.
“I know it’s not the point of the post, but I do want to reassure this mama that I took Class B antibiotics for a raging UTI while pregnant (during my first trimester), and I was completely terrified, but my daughter is now almost six and sturdy as hell. Sending love. UTIs are the worst.” — T.
“I wish we could have sex. I haven’t been able to go to physical therapy to heal from my episiotomy back in December. That means sexless for almost 5 months. We do other things besides actual intercourse depending on my pain levels and bleeding, but I desperately miss that kind of connection. It’s been a bit depressing and completely frustrating.” — K.
“I don’t know if it’s normal but I’m in the same boat as this woman at 27 months. I told my gyno and he didn’t really think anything about it.” — M.
“Sex (in our relationship, lack there of) has been really interesting. Before quarantine the absence of it was SO PAINFUL; I was horny and frustrated and distracted by it 24/7. Through this, it seems [my] husband and I are offering each other so much more grace and appreciation and patience, like it’s a little lift in our marriage. It hasn’t changed the absence of sex or me wanting it, but it’s made it much, much less painful.” — E.
“Please tell [these mammas] to look into vaginal dilators and secondary vaginismus. Pain after tearing is extremely common due to scar tissue. She can use dilators at home to work her way up to having sex again. In the long run she might need pelvic floor PT (which is part of normal postpartum treatment in other countries, just not in the US).” — C.
“My sex drive has never been lower. I'm a new SAHM with a 3-month-old. Now that my SO is home, he's expecting me to make all meals on top of everything else I'm already doing. It's extremely stressful and that stress damages my libido big time. It almost makes me wish I'd gone back to work so I could have the money to leave him. I feel like I'm a servant who only deserves his attention when it's sexual, otherwise he's glued to his phone.” — T.
“Exhausted here as well with childcare while WFH. This has made my husband doubt whether he’s ready for another [baby], and it’s been making me sad. Not sure how to handle the feelings of when you and your partner are on different pages about having another child.” — P.
“Absolutely zero. My husband’s brother is riding out the quarantine with us and having him in the house makes my husband feel awkward even about sitting too close to me on the couch…” — W.
“It’s been pretty great here. When the pandemic hit we were right in the middle of a really steamy, intimate season with each other. This hasn’t really done anything to affect that other than keeping us around each other more so we can get all worked up throughout the day. My husband keeps telling his boss he’s taking afternoon breaks and then dragging me to the bedroom lol.” — V.
“Ugh. I want to be happy for this person. I do. But I’m not that good of a person. My marriage is shit right now. I’ve taken to daydreaming about divorce and then I think about my kids and my eyes sting from tears. We are a mess. This is so hard.” — N.