It’s Not Too Late to Save Paid Leave For All
Last week, we called upon the parents in our community to help the privileged legislators up on the Hill know what it’s like for those of us in the trenches, recovering from birth and caring for new life. With paid leave in the U.S. at great risk of being excluded from the Biden administration’s Build Back Better plan, it sounds like Congress needs a reminder, or maybe they never really knew in the first place.
Close to 400 members of our Mom Group community shared their experiences, with chock-full-of-gory-details that might make the average non-birthing human squirm. And that’s just the thing — very few folks like to hear about the ugly parts of new motherhood. But if a decision is going to be made on behalf of women, if we’re ever going to make paid leave in the U.S. a reality, it is crucial that actual postpartum stories are part of the conversation.
Real Stories from Four Weeks Postpartum
With that, here are sixteen of the most raw, honest, and detailed accounts of what postpartum is really like #4weeksin:
“ . . . still dripping pee down my legs every time I walked more than half a block from my house.” - Anne Sage (@citysage)
“I was in the throes of postpartum depression and didn’t quite realize it. My C-section scar still hurt. My milk supply was drying up because I was so anxious and stressed.” - Hitha Palepu (@hithapalepu)
“After my third child was born I had preeclampsia and wasn’t allowed to stand up for more than two minutes at a time or my BP [blood pressure] would spike and I would die. 🥴 Sorry to be dramatic but it was actually a threat.” -Megan Harper (@girlgonechild)
“I was still bleeding from the tearing the first time. Both times, I was still waking every 3 hours. I had clogged milk ducts and was basically rotating from wearing cabbage leaves in my bra to standing under hot water combing the knots out from my breast.” -Neha Ruch (@motheruntitled)
“I was so exhausted and delirious that it was literally unsafe for me to drive.”
“Stitches for three third degree tears still not healed, granulation tissue making walking excruciatingly painful, only able to pee into a stream of running water or the burning was unbearable, postpartum anxiety, a medically complex newborn who would only sleep on my body, starting to have hallucinations from sleep deprivation. Oh, and definitely still bleeding through a pad every two hours or so.” -Natalie Ehrlich (@natalie_ehrlich)
“Finally able to walk around comfortably, just getting out of diapers, waiting to start pelvic floor PT and scar mobilization therapy, sleeping hardly at all, feeding every 3-4 hours, still suffering from severe BP fluctuations following preeclampsia/birth (couldn’t leave the house alone due to frequent fainting episodes).” -Molly Higgins (@mollyhiggs)
“Crying all the time, constantly leaking milk, completely focused on my baby. And more importantly than that - my BABY needed me. Not someone else. Even if I was completely “capable” of working physically and mentally (I wasn’t) - it doesn’t change the fact that a four-week-old infant needs their mom. Daycares do not even take babies until six weeks.” -A.
“A nervous emotional wreck who cried all day while tending to a sick, teeny tiny baby who didn’t sleep well. Breastfeeding exclusively but having a hard time doing it. Doing all of it alone six days a week while my husband worked long hours outside of the home. I was so exhausted and delirious that it was literally unsafe for me to drive.” -Lauren Mayer (@astralweek23)
“Couldn’t sit without crying, couldn’t walk without crying, couldn’t pee without crying. Couldn’t feed my baby without crying . . . Third degree tear, stitches, and no sleep. Not even close to “back to normal” even 10-12 weeks into postpartum” -Kinsey Rings (@kinsey_rings)
“I couldn’t leave the house alone due to frequent fainting episodes.”
“Still figuring out breastfeeding, dealing with extreme mental fog from lack of sleep, lonely from being alone with a newborn all day long while my husband was back at work, struggling to remember to feed myself lunch and drink enough water, and recovering from the major abdominal surgery that is a C-section. I felt like I couldn’t do the simplest things.” -Kristi Brokaw (@kristi.brokaw)
“Visiting my preemie in the NICU 12 hours a day, FaceTiming my toddler for his bedtime, and hysterically crying just about every two hours, all while wheeling around a hospital grade pump.” -Ali Bateman (@alihope15)
“Exhausted, still didn’t figure out breastfeeding, even after the third one. Healing from having major surgery (all three were C-sections).I took three months with each child. All using a combo of time off without pay or all my accrued vacation.” -A.
“Suffering with such severe PPA [postpartum anxiety] and PPD [postpartum depression] that I could barely function. My twins were not even “full-term” yet at four weeks old (34 week preemies)” -S.
“Trying to keep it all together, couldn’t fit into any semi-professional clothing, bleeding/ leaking, in pain constantly, stressed beyond belief. I’m good at my job, but I would have been an awful leader” -Samantha Markiewicz (@samantha.markiewicz)
“Driving myself up daily to see our preemie in the NICU (against my doc’s orders because I was recovering from a C-section) because my husband could only take one week off. It took me longer to heal as a result.” -Melinda Wood (@melindabeth.wood)
“The deepest of my postpartum depression. Wishing I could leave my life, and without my husband (he had one week off before going back to work)” -L.
From trauma over nightmare adoption processes, to fourth degree tears and debilitating injuries, to mental fog, C-section recovery, and allll the blood, pee, and poop . . . paid leave is a necessity, a human right for mothers. And it is not too late.
What You Can Do About It
We are coming together as a coalition of determined mothers with Paid Leave U.S., Lauren Brody of The Fifth Trimester, Eve Rodsky of Fair Play, Daphne Delvaux, Esq. of @themamattorney , Erin Erenberg of Totum Women, Blessing Adesiyan of Mother Honestly, and many others to #SavePaidLeave while there’s time. The vote is delayed so we still have an opportunity to make sure our voices are heard.
Sign up for our newsletter today and we’ll keep you posted on the next steps. More than a village, we need a paid family leave policy that our bodies, our babies, and our families, have so long deserved.
In the meantime, you can:
attend the DC rally tomorrow, Tues. Nov. 2nd
attend the San Francisco rally tomorrow, Tues. Nov 2nd
visit PL + US for more ways to fight