by Alexis Barad-Cutler
An evergreen topic here at Not Safe for Mom Group is sex: How much we’re having, how much we’re not having, why we’re not having it, our own private desires, and what we think of other mom’s sex lives as well as our own. For our April 17 event at The Little Wing, I brought on breastfeeding educator, postpartum doula, and founder of Wild Was Mama — Adriane Stare — because she’s been leading new moms in frank discussions about motherhood for years. Adriane is also one of the most up front people I’ve met when talking about sex and motherhood and is not afraid to tell her own story. In a perfect world, we’d all tell each other what we’re each going through in our sexual lives, so that we could get some help from one another, and gain much-needed insight. But reality: We tend to talk about sex on a purely surface level. We tend to speak in cliches. We don’t tell each other what’s really going on.
WHY DO WE KEEP OUR SEX LIVES A SECRET FROM ONE-ANOTHER?
I think we’re afraid to talk about it because talking about it means having to talk about all the other things wrapped up inside of it. Feelings about our bodies, our relationships to our partners, how society views mothers, birth trauma, our current motherhood journey (I.e. weaning). Sometimes it is easier to rely on the cliches without having to face the truth of how we really feel and the pain that might be behind it.
During our talking circle at The Little Wing, we had a “real” conversation (for once) about our sex lives — from the struggles, to the questions, to the things we’ve been afraid to tell our friends. In our brief time, we covered a lot of ground, but there is so much more yet to discuss. Hopefully this is just the beginning of the conversation, and there will be a Part II to this event in the near future.
Here are some photos from the memorable evening. Feel free to repost, and please tag @notsafeformomgroup, and/or use #notsafeformomgroup #nsfmg. All photos are by the fantastically talented Renee Kahn Bresler. [Click to scroll].
All photos by Renee Kahn Bresler for Not Safe for Mom Group.