We tackle a lot of big, hairy topics on NSFMG, and one of the places where we feel the most free to talk about how we really feel, or where we ask the questions that we might not ask anywhere else, is on Instastories. There’s something safe, I think, in knowing that our words are detached from any identifying factors that might link them to the person saying them. It’s anonymous, and even better — it disappears after a number of hours. I liken it to the feeling of being in a dark room, and having the freedom to shout your secrets, without the fear of anyone knowing where the voice is emanating from.
As the moderator of these conversations, I am struck each week by the beauty and grace with which our community responds to one another, in the replies people write to fellow member posts. In all of the hot-button topics we have discussed, there has never been a negative response from anyone. It truly is amazing. As one reader wrote to me over the weekend, “You can feel the circle of unity, of motherhood, of got-your-back’ness, that is so needed in the world right now.”
In case you missed some of the good stuff Mom Group said this past week, here are a few things that really stood out for me, written by you:
On the near-impossible choice of whether to terminate a pregnancy, after you’re already a mom:
“There are no easy roads. Just difficult ones we shouldn’t travel alone.” — T.
“Everyone will have a story about your choice, no matter what choice you make.” — @atribecalledmother
“You are loved no matter what choice you make.” —Y.
On postpartum sex, and sex drive after baby:
“It’s like asking your husband, after you pass a kidney stone…let’s have sex!” —T.
”Feeling disconnected from my own sensuality, made me feel disconnected from my own sexual power.” — M.
“Enthused consent is important…I hate that intimacy always has to equal sex, in our culture.” — M.
“My grandma told me that the best advice her doctor gave her was, “it takes 9 months to make a baby, and 18 months to recover. She said that gave her permission to relax and not push things too quickly.”
“Why is it on us to please our partners/salvage our relationships by acquiescing to things we don’t want to do? GD patriarchy.” — A.
“I wanted it every day. Any chance I got. My sex drive was on overdrive!”
“Here’s a thought: Why can’t it just be OK to not want to have sex anymore?”
On miscarriages, trying to get pregnant, and infertility.
“It feels like an injury no one can see; it hurts all the time.” — A. (On getting another period, and enduring another month not being pregnant.)
“Healing is never linear. And it’s never easy.” — R. (on infertility and miscarriage).
“I think communicating our hurt will connect us.” — K.
Did you have a favorite quote or discussing point from this past week? Did you take a screen shot, or write it down? (Or do you only kind of remember it, and want me to find it in my archives?) Drop me a comment or send me a DM.